This is the first of a series of posts that will outline my testimony. I will cover events where God worked in my life to lead me to salvation or to lead me back to Christ.
My walk with the Lord started with a misstep and it was a douzie. As a child I was sent to a vacation bible school as was common. In those days, a VBS was an all day event. You were dropped off in the morning and picked up after your parents got off work. Now a days, it seems like most are after hours and shorter.
All week, we played and were taught the bible. There was usually a theme or a book of the bible we went over. I have long forgotten the lessons of the VBS when I was seven. What I do remember was the end of each day. After a day of bible studies and directed play there was an altar call. Soft music played from the piano and the preacher gave an urgent call. At first none of us went forward. No one wanted to be first. I don't remember now who was first, but I clearly recall the response. The child was celebrated by the adults. He was pulled aside and had a special meeting with the Pastor. Other grown ups called him brother and welcomed him to the family.
I felt like an outsider in my own church. The next day, more went up and they all got the same response. All the more, I desired the adulation of the adults. So the following day, I pulled aside one of my friends and ask what happened. They explained what they were told, the time with the pastor and the questions he asked. They gave me the answers to the questions and knowing what was going to happen, I felt safe to move forward at the altar call.
I was nervous when he gave his call. Should I go at the beginning? Should I wait till later? What if I wait to long? These were my thoughts when I went forward. They were not those of someone being called by conviction of sin. Although I apologized for my sin, I did not repent that day. Al though I confessed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and made a commitment to follow him, these were just the requirements to convince the gate keeper of salvation, that is to say, to make sure I could get the stamp of approval by the pastor. If he said I was saved, who would question him. After the prayer, I walked out of his office into my mother's arms. "I accepted Jesus into my heart Mom", I lied. Her happy eyes and the pastor's confirmation locked me a new life. An insincere life that would follow me through out my youth.
Later in my childhood, the Spirit of God would convict me of sin, but I would do no more than apologize to God for that sin and rededicate my life. Yet I would always fall short of placing my life in God's hands. I kept it firmly in my control. God would have to accept the scraps of my selfishness and be happy with that. I genuinely felt sorry, but I never thought I was all that bad.
For this reason, I worry about the children growing up in the church. How much they need the message of James. They grasp the message of grace without actually accepting God's grace. How many of the citizens of our churches have had this conversion.
If a man says he has faith, but doesn't live according to that faith, has he actually believed. What use does anyone get out of professing a faith in Christ, if they don't experience the transformation that comes with truly believing. When someone truly believes, they are reborn, They are inhabited by the Spirit of God and have new life. Christ by His Spirit in us, lives through us, (Gal 2:20) to the glory of God our Father.
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