In rage or in Christ

Today was a tough day for me. I struggled in and out of short bursts of what I would call rage. This is unusual for me. I know I had some issues with my medicine and sleep was fitful last night. These are reasons I was more susceptible to anger, but not entirely the reason. The anger was triggered by  my work peers not meeting my expectations. I find myself repeating instructions and conversations over and over again. A push from other areas to get me to do their work for them, instead of them taking ownership of the work assigned to them. I should say, they are asking me to bend the rules in their favor. They keep at me trying to wear me down instead of accepting my previous instructions to the contrary. Align this with requests to defend a policy that I was enforcing by the manager that asked me to enforce that policy. He had subsequently changed his mind but had not informed those of us that were following his instructions of the changed.

"I know I sent an email..."

It was a struggle of a thousand points of frustration. Needle here and needle there. I would like to say I was victorious and that I trusted in the Lord. I did not. I tried to handle the issue. I tried to juggle all the issues and pokes and prods and eventually popped. The Lord's grace was there. He beckoned me to get away and get alone with him. I excused myself from the office and took my long overdue break and took a moment to pray. 

Why was I angry Lord? I was defending my kingdom on this earth and not His. I was fighting to be right and to be the solver of problems. I was trying to be a hero, the hero. I was getting frustrated because I was failing. I was failing because I was working in my own power. 

In the moment with the Lord, he always reminds me of this verse:

Isaiah 9:6

King James Version (KJV)
6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

I am reminded every time by this verse that This child that was sent, our Lord Jesus Christ will take over the government of our lives. 

• When we serve our Prince, He brings Peace. 
• If I look at this needles not as problems but instead opportunities to serve my Lord and my coworkers then I can rely on this Wonderful Counselor to guide me, 
• this mighty God to strengthen me in the inner man, 
• this Father to direct my path so that when I am in these struggles, I can know where to go. 

In order to lead, I must follow. In order to glorify God, I must not seek my own glory. Service is the christian's expression of love. 

Father, thine is the kingdom.